Trust

 

We build up walls that are as high as the skyscraper so that no one can ever climb over it.

We build up walls that are made out of steel so that no one can break it easily.
Why do we keep rebuilding our walls? Why are we making our walls higher and stronger?

What are we protecting ourselves from?

We are pieces from shattered promises, we are the remains of a dream that never came true. We are the people who are being betrayed by our loved ones.

To trust is to believe someone is good for you. To trust is to rely on a person. To trust is to believe every word they say. To trust is like closing our eyes and jumping out off from the window and you know that someone will catch you.

I trust you. Three words that are often taken advantage of.

We put trust on a creation that doesn’t even know how to take care of their own heart. We put trust on something that cannot even change our fate. We thought by trusting them, they would grant us peace and happiness. We put trust on something that we are uncertain of.  And most human beings betray our trust simply because we put too many hopes on them rather than putting trust in Allah. If we believe Allah is behind all of the things that happen to us, we will thank Allah for rerouting our lives, we will thank Allah for the broken promises because only HE can see what our future will be like.

We will live by what Allah has written for us in the Luh Mahfuz, we will believe that his Qada’ and Qadar is the only thing we can trust in this end of times. To have trust in Allah, is to always believe in yourself that you can go through life by leaving it in the hands of Allah. With the decision you make, the people you give trust to, the fate and future that will happen, if you have Allah as the best companion in your heart and TRUST HIM in everything, you will attract honest people who will lead you to a better life. Betrayals, broken promises are only a way of Allah saying to you that humans are weak, why do you not ask HIM before trusting anyone.

We forgot that we were supposed to wake up in the middle of the night to talk to Allah, to have a discussion with Allah about the route we are taking. We forgot to ask HIS “opinions” through our Tahajjud and Istikharah. Aren’t those supposed to be our guidance in choosing or deciding?

Let us practice asking our creator. HE knows every of our secrets, our hidden flaws, our doas, So won’t you trust HIM to let HIM tell you whom to trust?

Bahiyaa

Love Within yourself

“And we have created man in the best form.” Surah At-Tin:4

This is for the ones who lost themselves. For anyone who thinks they’re not good enough. We’ve all been through that.

Often, we let bad negative vibes gets to us. We let them consume us. We let others define us. We let society shapes us. Often as well do we let others have their way with us. We blame ourselves for not being good enough. We hate everything about ourselves that we forgot that Allah has created us in the best of form. He even mentioned it in Surah At-Tin, 4th ayah. We are perfectly created by Him. That is enough reassurance, isn’t it? But no, we’re humans who always wants more than what we’re given.

Years back, I was almost too lost. Almost in the most pitiful state I could ever be. I let myself be swayed by the world and its temptation. I was doing all the wrong things – clubbing every other weekend, chilling at the bar almost too often, wearing revealing clothes. I knew back then my actions were wrong yet I was ignorant of it. I was guilty yet I put that feeling at the back of my mind. It was the only way I could thought of to fill in the voids in my heart. Even then, I was still not happy. It was as if there were something missing. I want to look for it but I didn’t know what is it. Growing up, even though I learn the fundamentals of my religion and its teaching, I rarely practice them. I knew Allah exists yet I wasn’t too sure if he ever listens to me. Yet, at that time, my heart spoke out of sadness to Him.

“O Allah, I know you’re there and I believe that you know what is in my heart. Is this your way of calling me home? Calling me to you? If it is, give me a sign or show me a way to you and ease my affairs for me”

For a week, while I was at work or outside, the people who walked passed me were women donning the hijab. As a free hair, I felt guilty but I was in love with every sight. It was like a tug in my heart and I knew right away that I want to start donning it and I did. My colleagues weren’t very happy with my decision but I didn’t care. I haven’t felt anywhere near content before wearing this. So, I stood by my decision. Around the same time, I start to recite the Quran. It had been too long since I last read. I stumbled on my recitation but my heart was at ease. Reading the Quran wasn’t enough. My heart wanted something more.

Until I started to pray. At 3am in the morning. My first prayer after many years. I remembered clearly the feeling that enveloped me that morning. It was one of serene. Almost as if Allah Himself was embracing me. My knees almost went weak. There were too many emotions going on but I was sure of one thing and that was, I’m home.

“Wa’idza sa’alaka i’badi a’nni fa’inni qoribun ujibu da’watad dai idza da’an”
And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely, I am very near; I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls on Me. – Al-Baqarah:186

Allah heard me. I knew right then that I won’t turn back. This is where I want to be. This is what I want to feel. This contentment that nothing and no one in this world could provide. I started to try being steadfast and consistent. It was the hardest battle between me and my nafs over the years since then. I failed too many times to the world’s temptation but caught myself before I could go down any further.

In my own battle, Allah sets hurdle in my life. The kind I wish He could take away the second He gave to me. I know I was going to fail yet I steadied my heart and set my foot my His journey. Despite the many times I fail, the tug at my heart is what keeps me trying to keep on getting back up.

In my own battle, I learn to let go of so many things that does not benefit me. At the same time losing a lot of things and people along the way. People I thought were friends and those I thought would be with me till the end. Allah put them out of my life and me out of their life but He gives me better friends who constantly pulls me towards the good. Friends who advice and really took their time and went out of their way for me just as I would do them. Allah is fair.

In my own battle, I learn to love myself and be forgiving. I learn to forgive and forget. I learn to accept the qada’ and qadr of Allah. I was taught to be more mindful of my speech and action and I become more responsible of myself. I learn to respect myself which makes me change the way I dress. I learn to put barriers between me and the people around me so that I don’t fall into the place I was once from. Most of all I learn to accept my flaws and flaws of the people around me.

So, hold on to the rope of Allah. For He never disappoint you. Steadfastness is a battle between you and your nafs. It is not easy but it is worth it. Trust that Allah has created you in the best form, therefore love yourself and let go of the negativity that people put on you. You are not obligated to shoulder the negativity they throw at you. Believe that Allah is Most Merciful and Most Forgiving. Allah is Al Afuww. He is Ar Rahman and Ar Rahim.
Know that He is Al Wadud. The Most Loving. The one who loves you the most and He will pick you up. You have to believe that IF you reach out to Him, He will reach out to you. That every afflictions and difficulties Allah gives you is His way of calling you closer to Him because He miss you. He loves you and wants to give you goodness.

And above all, I wish you would find the love you deserve in you and your Creator because that is the greatest form of Love. This goes out to the ones who lost themselves. For anyone who thinks they’re not good enough. We’ve all been through that. You just have to believe and hold onto your faith.

Nur Atikah 
nuratikah.kms@gmail.com
Visit Nur Atikah Website

I’m not good enough . But it’s okay.

There comes a time in your life that you will get hurt by someone you truly love. You flawed in your own ways. You made a mistake.

But despite these mistakes, you were apologetic about it and you said sorry. You said it with all your heart and you mean it. But some people just push you aside.

We live day by day trying our best to please everyone we love.

We even change for them. We want to make them happy in every way.

And then without realizing it, we make a mistake.

We couldn’t help ourselves because we are human beings and that is what we are supposed to do.

We are created to make mistakes, and then to learn from all the mistakes so that we can become a better person.

Be it family, friends or even the community around us, there are 99 good things that we did great, and they thought we are going to score ourselves a hundred till that 1 thing that could make us perfect, and suddenly, boom! We disappoint them. We tried our best to explain that we are not good enough because at times,this brain of ours do silly things to our nerves and it leads to stupid actions. They ignored your excuses. They cannot accept your apology because you were supposed to be significant. You were supposed to be different. You were supposed to be perfect for them.

We’ve all been through that stage of giving up in pleasing everyone.

All we want to do is just shut down and close our eyes, ears, hide in a corner of a wall and just cry. We are not good enough and we couldn’t accept the fact that we are not perfect. We keep blaming ourselves, and we believe that we are wrong in every way. We do not know the solution to this imperfection that we have. We want to let go of all these people but we love them. Our hearts feel for them. We have created too many memories that are too precious for us to just shake it off. We will miss everything about them. We try to understand their situation and even create imaginary excuses in our mind to fix our heart, To tell our heart that it is all our fault. We started believing that we are not good enough.

If only we could delete the memories, the feelings in our heart, wouldn’t that be great?

We are creations that will constantly fail to succeed, we will fall and bleed but if we give up long time ago because of our failures, we won’t be here right now.

Life is indeed a struggle. But the question is, who are you struggling for? Of all the things that we have done, is it for a being, or for Allah? Why does everything we do, we are always reminded to start with Bismillahirrahmanirrahim? In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

 Because Allah wants to keep reminding us that HE is forgiving, HE keeps giving us mercy even though we have sinned many times and didn’t do taubah.

 Allah have shown His Mercy by not hitting us with a lightning bolt while we are sinning.

HE is Most Forgiving and if every time, we do something, and it is not for him, HE envies.

Allah creates our existence in this Dunya, not to please other makhluk, but to just please HIM.

And when HE gives us that feeling of sadness and disappointment in people, HE wants us to go back to HIM and set our niat to be perfect for HIM.

We tend to forget to Tajdid our niyyah because if we set a niyyah to do something for Allah, to please HIM in every way, we will be surrounded with people who will be forgiving and accepting of who we are. We will feel the attributes of Allah through this people

We are not good enough for everyone because everyone has different expectations of us. We are not good enough and it’s okay. We will learn to better in life,to be a better Muslim.

This time not for anyone, but only for Allah.

Bahiyaa

VIDEO : #YTDLM

Yang Tertulis Di Luh Mahfuz… #YTDLM #StandbyTissue #Event Click on the link to participate: http://bit.ly/2qd66zQ

Yang Tertulis Di Luh Mahfuz

Standby Tissue is back again! This time, a heart to heart session discussing on accepting what was already written for us by Allah

An unexpected loss of our loved ones, a friendship that went wrong, a jodoh that was never meant to be, the plan that didn’t go our way and the death that awaits us.

 

We are reaching out to all sisters to come and join us for this event to be the pillars that will help those sisters who come with a heart that needs to be heal.

Whether you are the one who needs a little healing, or those who wants to be the one who helps them heals, you are welcome to join us on Sunday 21May17!

An Usrah that is specially made for Muslimah. We hope to see you soon!

Tickets available here.

https://bahiah.typeform.com/to/q19x1k