I’m not good enough . But it’s okay.

There comes a time in your life that you will get hurt by someone you truly love. You flawed in your own ways. You made a mistake.

But despite these mistakes, you were apologetic about it and you said sorry. You said it with all your heart and you mean it. But some people just push you aside.

We live day by day trying our best to please everyone we love.

We even change for them. We want to make them happy in every way.

And then without realizing it, we make a mistake.

We couldn’t help ourselves because we are human beings and that is what we are supposed to do.

We are created to make mistakes, and then to learn from all the mistakes so that we can become a better person.

Be it family, friends or even the community around us, there are 99 good things that we did great, and they thought we are going to score ourselves a hundred till that 1 thing that could make us perfect, and suddenly, boom! We disappoint them. We tried our best to explain that we are not good enough because at times,this brain of ours do silly things to our nerves and it leads to stupid actions. They ignored your excuses. They cannot accept your apology because you were supposed to be significant. You were supposed to be different. You were supposed to be perfect for them.

We’ve all been through that stage of giving up in pleasing everyone.

All we want to do is just shut down and close our eyes, ears, hide in a corner of a wall and just cry. We are not good enough and we couldn’t accept the fact that we are not perfect. We keep blaming ourselves, and we believe that we are wrong in every way. We do not know the solution to this imperfection that we have. We want to let go of all these people but we love them. Our hearts feel for them. We have created too many memories that are too precious for us to just shake it off. We will miss everything about them. We try to understand their situation and even create imaginary excuses in our mind to fix our heart, To tell our heart that it is all our fault. We started believing that we are not good enough.

If only we could delete the memories, the feelings in our heart, wouldn’t that be great?

We are creations that will constantly fail to succeed, we will fall and bleed but if we give up long time ago because of our failures, we won’t be here right now.

Life is indeed a struggle. But the question is, who are you struggling for? Of all the things that we have done, is it for a being, or for Allah? Why does everything we do, we are always reminded to start with Bismillahirrahmanirrahim? In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.

 Because Allah wants to keep reminding us that HE is forgiving, HE keeps giving us mercy even though we have sinned many times and didn’t do taubah.

 Allah have shown His Mercy by not hitting us with a lightning bolt while we are sinning.

HE is Most Forgiving and if every time, we do something, and it is not for him, HE envies.

Allah creates our existence in this Dunya, not to please other makhluk, but to just please HIM.

And when HE gives us that feeling of sadness and disappointment in people, HE wants us to go back to HIM and set our niat to be perfect for HIM.

We tend to forget to Tajdid our niyyah because if we set a niyyah to do something for Allah, to please HIM in every way, we will be surrounded with people who will be forgiving and accepting of who we are. We will feel the attributes of Allah through this people

We are not good enough for everyone because everyone has different expectations of us. We are not good enough and it’s okay. We will learn to better in life,to be a better Muslim.

This time not for anyone, but only for Allah.

Bahiyaa

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